I Can Be Taylor Momsen

My Unintended

forgot how much i hate his voice
even his laughter is liquid ice
a snarling hyena, ready to pounce
the coughing fit, an off-wall bounce

his know-it-all smirk keeps the mocking company
paper cut sarcasm with zero subtlety
nyeh-nyeh-nyeh continuing endlessly
I wish to God he'd drop friggin dead already

after all this time, she shivers still
his deep-set eyes ready for the kill
this unnerving effect remains his best weapon
one slip of the tongue, and you're part of the destruction

I can taste the regret oozing from her eyes
her only defence now is lies
panic inching through her every fibre
his move is made, he's waiting for her

his calls are never merely social
much less anything moral
the impending scheme fills me with dread
her sentiment is her own undoing, the trap is set

he knows where we live now, he'll come again and again
in our existence, an infinite bane
it's far too late now for any salvation
the swirling orange fire is already in motion

I guess we'll all burn at the same time.

p/s: where's my blackliner?

I wanna I wanna I wanna

These are on my watchlist. Since the Pirates of Penang were absent when I went there, I shall continue my hunt in K.L. Damn u, expensive original DVDs! I shall not succumb to thy oppression! But nyeh. I don't think half the list will be available. Kang wat apek konfius je - "Ape itu? U tgk ini la, step up 3D. Best wooo....." Suke ati bagi random movie mainstream kat aku. No! Anyone knows any movies I should add to the list?

Requiem for a dream (dah lame nak tgk)
catfish
World’s greatest dad
Pathology
The good guy
the dead girl (sex with a corpse. not in a sexy vampire way. more zombie.)
My girlfriend’s boyfriend
Frostbitten
Dead snow
Day watch
Memento
Mulholland drive
the romantics
the kids are all right
the runaways
thirst (korean vampire priest. cool or what?)
get him to the greek
the other guys
red sands (lama x tgk shane west)
splice (adrien brody. woot!)
slither
trick r’ trick (ramai kate best. Sookeyh! aka anna paquin ade)
the girl with the dragon tattoo (Hollywood is gonna screw this one up)
winter's bone
joan rivers: a piece of work
the last exorcism

O’ Burning, Flaming Heart!

Ok so…….I’ve heard of Tyler Shields before. But I always thought that he’s overrated, like Lady Gaga. Just another pop culture product we’ve been churning out in excess nowadays. Recently, I’m surprised to find myself having a change of heart (& mind) over these two artists. I can’t even bring myself to call them just photographer and singer/performer anymore. They transcend beyond that now, at least for me.

The reason I was always so stubborn & adamant to NOT like them is because to me, someone who present themselves through shocking & violent images are nothing but a couple of ‘shock jocks’. They like controversies because: 1) obviously, they get a lot of attention for it 2) MOST people would think they’re cool and deep, all artistic-like. While to me, these only suggest that they’re trying too hard, pretentious even. Like those school girls I often see, hanging out at malls, wearing dark clothes, short skirts and tons of black eyeliner, all dark and ‘gothic’ and shit. So suicidal and edgy, yet oh-so-sensitive. They can’t be tamed y’all (Stingray: Auw. Jgn marah).

I’m all about self-expression. And one of the best ways to do this is through what we wear (Coz I can’t paint or sing worth a damn. Words & clothes are all I have). Yeah, sure, ideally, we all want to wear whatever best express ourselves and whatnot. But I gotta be honest, most of the time I just grab whatever it is I have in my closet and dash out. Also, nowadays my primary concern is whether this shirt or that jeans can hide all the flaws that I have, rather than making a personal fashion statement (Yeah, I’m fat now, there’s now way around it. So sue me). I also realize something: why the hell do I want to follow trends? There’s nothing personal about that. That just sucks me right into conformity. A well-dressed conformist is still a conformist.

That’s why I’ve been slightly wary about people who claim they’re unique (or being claimed as such). We live in a world where everyone’s connected, especially with the internet being so widely used now. Nobody escapes from being influenced by somebody else. We ARE all conformists, we are ALL shallow; just at varying degrees.

I got too much time on my hands nowadays, and as these thoughts came creeping into my head much too often (note to Coy Mistress: otak aku kadang2 tak kosong), I decided one day to open my mind and let my prejudices flew out the window and really listen, really see. And so it was that I saw and listened to Gaga’s performance at the AMA 2009. I was blown away. She was amazing. I’m not saying that I’m completely in love with her now, because I’m not. But I understand her vision a little bit better. Still don’t like some of her antics (wtf is up with the Alejandro vidclip? Gay orgy extravaganza y’all), but I can appreciate her efforts.

A few weeks ago, I accidentally clicked on a link at youtube. I was looking for the trailer for Mad Men season 4, but I found a link to a ‘video potrait’ of Vincent Kartheiser instead (Connor from ‘Angel’, anyone?). The sarcastic voice in my head: ‘Yippe kay yay! It’s by Tyler Shields, young photographer extraordinaire’. But, remembering that promise to myself (to keep an open mind), I clicked on it.

It was……..heartbreaking. Completely, and undeniably, heartbreaking.

I look for his other video portraits. A LOT of up-and-coming actors/actresses participated (the hawt Sean Faris, Kellan Lutz, Deborah Ann Woll, Matt Dallas, Sara Paxton, Ashley Greene….etc.). I love them all (personal fav: the one with Matt Dallas, Alessandra Torresani and Tyler Shields). You have to check all of them out. They’re all on youtube, and they’re short. Most are under less than one minute. The concept is so raw and simple, but they speak to me. Just like that Gaga’s performance, I understand. They made sense. My heart literally aches as I watched the images on screen.

So I guess, maybe it’s not too late. Eventhough sometimes it feels like everything has been said and done (‘Shakespeare is frikkin’ dead!’ – J-Pop Girl), there’s always room for a lil’ bit of personal expression and experience. That despite the cynicism, the predictability of a mundane life, we can each try to be our own person and less of a robotic conformist who clocks in and out from 9 to 5. We can say more, think more and offer more to the rest of the world.

Maybe, just maybe, I can be....... more.

Silences (a.k.a Killing Me Softly): a very short one-act play

Act 1, Scene 1

Random Makcik on LRT: What EXACTLY do you want to be doing after your Master?

Me: I dunno yet. (jokingly) Take a long nap?. hahaha.


silence.


Act 1, Scene 2

Cousin: Ko ni biler lagi nak kawen ni?

Me: (continue eating)


silence.


Act 1, Scene 3

Old Friend: Wow. Ko tak berubah ek. Tapi badan lain la........

Me: (bitter laughter)

(silent curse)


silence.


Heavy sigh. Contexts y'all. Three things I'm still figuring out. So *shut ur pie-hole!

*pembetulan
- setelah menyedari yg perkataan f**k mungkin agak kasar utk pembaca2 blog ini yang igt pie-hole itu adalah nama kedai menjual pai atau tat telur. dlm erti kata lain, pembaca2 innocent yg x suke mencarut. good for you.

What IS Love?

One of my fav movies of all time is Addicted to Love (1997). Romantic comedy is not exactly my kind of thing, so I rarely find any movies in that category that blow me away. But once in a while I come across a gem like Addicted to Love. I LOVE the script of this movie. Everything is sharp, and witty, and most importantly, meaningful.

The two main characters basically represent two opposing views of life and love: Sam (Matthew Broderick) is a romantic & optimist while Maggie (Meg Ryan) is the cynic & no-bullshit realist. I, of course, fall into the Maggie category. HAHAHA. Aren't we all?



Anyway, one of my favourite quotes in the movie is this one, when Maggie explains what love means to her, as opposed to Sam's highly idealistic comment.

Maggie: When I was a kid, my father had this dog that started to get all weak and sickly. He takes it to the vet, who examines it and says a maggot must have laid eggs in the dog's butt. The baby maggots have crawled up, now they've started to grow, and eventually they're gonna eat the dog alive from the inside. He says it should be put to sleep, because it's an old dog anyway. But father won't do it. He takes the dog home, he puts it on the bed, he reaches up into the dog, picking out the maggots with his finger, one by one. It takes him all night, but he gets every last one. That dog outlived my father. That's love, Sam.


I agree 100% with Maggie. If u've seen the good, the bad and the UGLY in someone and still want them and want to be with them.........that's love. Forget the notion of TRUE love. I mean, every love is true, rite? Love for ur parents, ur lov-ah (i hate the term girfriend/boyfriend - so juvenile. but can't think of a better word), ur siblings, ur frens...etc. To me, u have to treat and appreciate every r'ship the same way. After all, they're all people u care about.

Romance is nice n all, but it'll only lasts for a while. For some people, it's pure illusion. And when the illusion wears off/crumbles, all u're left with is the ugly. So, see people as they ARE. And then decide whether u can accept/forgive all their shits, move forward and still love them. U don't have to like them on a daily basis (people argue, people disappoint) but as long as u're willing to let it slide, the relationship can lasts a lifetime.

Love is a work in progress.

Food for Thoughts: Some of My Favs

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. - Carl Sandburg

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? - Lily Tomlin

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katharine Hepburn

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

Never fight an inanimate object. - P. J. O'Rourke

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous



Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. - Mae West

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants - A. Whitney Brown

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. - Steven Wright

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. - W. C. Fields

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

He who laughs last didn't get it. - Anonymous

I rant, therefore I am. - Dennis Miller

His Fearful Symmetry

Warning: Skip this entry if u can't stand nudity. or in this case, partial nudity.

My favourite painter of all time: William Blake (1757 - 1827). Nowadays, most ppl think that he was a genius. but during his lifetime, ppl thought he was a psycho. (on account that he said the images/paintings came to him in the form of visions from.....well, God. or some divine figure, i suppose.)


The Angels Over the Body of Christ


His paintings are unique because most artists back then paint boring stuffs like flowers in gardens, or ducks in a pond, or a pretty girl knitting...or some other shit like that. They tend to mimic external reality....u know, things u can see with the naked eye, without really expressing any sort of internal emotion in their work.

Blake, on the other hand, painted scary images that make you really think. or pee in ur pants.


Hecate or the Three Fates


My favs have to be The Great Red Dragon paintings. Though I love all of his work, including his poems. (The Great Red Dragon, of course, is Satan - from the Book of Revelations in the Bible. so you see, it's not only the name of a really cool movie.)


The Number of the Beast is 666



The Great Red Dragon & the Woman Clothed with the Sun




The Great Red Dragon & the Woman Clothed in the Sun



The Great Red Dragon & the Beast from the Sea