If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? - Lily Tomlin
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katharine Hepburn
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
Never fight an inanimate object. - P. J. O'Rourke
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. - Mae West
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants - A. Whitney Brown
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. - Steven Wright
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. - W. C. Fields
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
He who laughs last didn't get it. - Anonymous
I rant, therefore I am. - Dennis Miller
