you love all sailors, but hate the beach

I'm not sure if any of you guys are familiar with the 'shipping' phenomenon that avid (or rather, rabid) TV show fans have about couples they love from a TV series or movies. Well, they don't necessarily have to be an official couple, maybe just a pairing of two characters that have chemistry. Shipping basically means you love 'em, root for 'em and want them to end up together. At the very least, once.You might ask, shipping? How old are you, twelve? To that I say, bugger off! I'm sexy and I know it. Tak taula pasaipa respon camtu. Anyhoo, since I'm now a rising apek DVD (Nazlin - watch the throne, beetch. haha), I've been downloading TV shows like crazy. But my favourite couples are always the ones who are not couples. Not yet, at least - hey, being in denial is my prerogative. I don't need permission....make my own decision...sing it! Here's the countdown of my 5 (or 6?) favourite 'couples' on TV right now:

5. Alisha & Simon (Misfits) - Salisha

It's a shame this show is not aired in Malaysia, but it rawks y'all. It's a British series about troubled teens who acquired super powers after being struck by lightning. Yes. Trust me, it is as quirky as it sounds - Alisha's power? She sends people into a sexual frenzy when they touch her skin. And Simon is a-dorable. Kinda retarded at times, but in an oh-so-cute way.

4. Annie & Abed (Community) - err. ade ke gabungan nama?

Coz both their names start with an 'A', susah ni.

+

Annie & Jeff (Community) - Jannie

I really can't decide between these two pairings. I used to love Annie & Jeff, but I get bored very easily and Abed & Annie are just hilarious. She always seems to fall for him whenever he plays a character. Han Solo, Don Draper..etc.

3. Franky & Nick (Skins - 3rd Generation) - Nanky? Frick sounds so wrong.

I don't know what it is about these two, but I just love 'em. He always protects her in subtle ways. I don't think she even notices it coz she's too wrapped up with his 'mysterious' brother, Matty. Whatevs. Another British show about teens that's not aired here. But this one's more rock 'n' roll. And drugs. And parties. And sex. OK, so maybe that's why it's not shown in Malaysia.

 2. Bonnie & Damon (The Vampire Diaries) - Bamon

I loved them even before I knew that they actually have a 'thing' in the book series. Honestly, I think they have more chemistry than Elena & Damon. Probably coz Elena is annoying, wishy washy and so...insipid. "Uuuu Stefan is a bad guy now, I have to move on." Helloooo? Damon kills people without remorse kot. Bole plak ko terima. At least Bonnie accepts & see people (esp. Damon) as they are. I also kinda like Bonnie with Klaus. hihi.

1. Dan & Blair (Gossip Girl) - Dair

This is the one pairing that I thought would never happen. So I just ship them in silence for the longest time - otherwise people will be like, seriously? Then, just when I was about to outgrow Gossip Girl (I mean, it's basically a soap opera for teens), Season 4 happened. Dan & Blair (sort of) happened. And I just freaked! So now who's the crazy one, beetches? Gotta say though, they're the only reason I'm even watching this crap. They started off with this love-hate r'ship & ended up being soulmates. They know each other so well & accepts each other's faults. Also, they're sweet & funny whenever they're together. I just....awww...

So there you have it. Give some love to couples you have shipped hard for throughout the years. Come on, Pacey & Joey from Dawson's Creek? Rachel & Ross from Friends? - though I'm more Monica/Chandler myself. Buffy & Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer? Rory & Jess from Gilmore Girls? Veronica & Logan from Veronica Mars? OK, maybe I should just stop.

porn de replay

Random conversation:

Bak Kut Teh: Have you heard of Rocco Siffredi?

Me: Who? Rocco Stiff-Ready? hahahaha (gelak lawak sendiri)

Bak Kut Teh: Hahaha. You ah, so dirty-minded one. Siffredi la.

Me: (malu skit sebab x rapat sangat ngan die ni) Ehek. So, who's he? Never heard of him. Writer ke?

Bak Kut Teh: No lah, he's this famous porn star.

Done.

And I'm the dirty-minded one here. Btw, Bak Kut Teh is a pseudonym for a chinese friend of mine, I didn't go to Kedai Bak Kut Teh Ah Lian, bought a bowl of Bak Kut Teh and have an imaginary conversation with it.

Talking about funny names, here's a clip from Graham Norton. Sorry, it's an old episode and the quality is a bit off.

eh eh eh

Remember my entry on vibrators a while back? Well, apparently they're making (or already made la) a movie about it. Weird. Aku mmg patut dok Hollywood la camni. hoho. Hugh Dancy kot berlakon! Takleh jadik ni, kene tengok. Would you like a cup of tea? Sambil usap2 kucing. Sebab British.

wrong in all the right ways

Recently, The Slim One got offended by her friend who commented that her left eye is smaller than her right. She was so offended that she proceeded to look up that friend’s FB profile & browsed through her pictures, ‘zoomed’ them up and search for any of that girl’s physical imperfections. Yes, she got defensive & wanted to load up her verbal gun with enough ammo to massacre an entire Third World country the next time she sees her friend. An eye for an eye, I guess (pun intended). You see, my sister doesn’t have a lot of experience in dealing with people like that, but I have had one of those friends since secondary school. There was this one particular girl who used to make weird comments to me such as:

“Eh, hidung kau tak mancung ek. Aku ade darah Pakistan skit, tu hidung aku ok.”

“Eh the corners of your lips cam jatuh kalau kau tak senyum.”

“Kau putih tapi banyak bulu ek.”

“Kalau ko tinggi elokla pakai baju ni…”

You catch my drift. Funny thing is, I wasn’t even insulted by these comments. But I think it’s because I’m ignorant of the implied meaning behind them at the time. Also, I wasn’t a vain person back then so I didn’t really care. Felt weird though (I mean, what’s her purpose in saying those things? What is supposed to be my response? “Erm, ok. Thanks?”). But since then, I’ve met a lot of people like her and my awareness has kicked in. I’m telling you, I have never been conscious of how “putih”, how short, how hairy, how gap-toothed, how big-assed, how pimply and how fat I am until somebody else mentioned it to me.

Because of all these venomous observations (intentionally or not) of me made by these people, I’d like to think that I’m above judging people for their physical appearance, but I realized recently that I have become maybe a little bit critical of my own appearance as well as others. Yes, I have become one of “those people” and my inner vain, bitchy monster has been unleashed. I guess it’s my defense mechanism after years of verbal abuse, but still. I should be able to resist from stooping that low. 

I remember reading something about this in the June issue of Cleo (I think), that this phenomenon is called “body snarking”. We do it all the time, whenever we see pictures of celebrities, saying “That dress on her is hideous.” “OMG she’s getting fat!” “Her head is bigger than her body.” “She has a huge ass.” I’m ashamed to admit it, but I have made comments like this (most of the time in my head). It’s not surprising, since the article also mentioned that body snarking is often done by women against women. Why the HELL do we do this? Where’s the girl power yo? My sister’s explanation is simple: “They’re jealous”. This might be true, but I think there’s a deeper issue at hand. Maybe we’ve become so critical of ourselves, that we don’t think it’s a big deal to become critical of others. But believe me, it is a big deal. We women have low self-esteem enough as it is, let's not add fuel to the fire and be the cause to unwarranted plastic surgeries as well as anorexia and bulimia among ourselves. 

From now on, let’s just embrace all our imperfections and other people’s as well. After all, what fun would it be if everyone looks the same? It’s like looking at a catalogue of designer clothes or watching a runway show: I can’t tell the difference from one model to another. So stop analyzing every single blemish, eye-bags or cellulite. Seriously, just stop. You can do it. Or if you can’t, please keep the comments to yourself. Thank you.

Courtesy of Budak Jepun: Although this is peppered with sarcasm, Imma use it as a positive message here. Hohoho - gelak santa claus skit. They were delicious!

p/s: My gap is opening again. Yeayyyyy! Menyesal tutup. Damn those young giggly dentists and their half-priced discounts!

...and no one around could tell us apart...

I have found my kindred spirits! Bak kata budak pompuan yg sgt drama queen from Anne of Green Gables. hahaha. It's weird how people feel connected to those who share the same birthdays as them, or even the same star signs. I'm not really big on horoscopes or personality types & all that shit but I do feel excited when I read about people who share the same birthday as mine for some reason. Here are some of them:

Nelson Mandela

Vin Diesel

Chace Crawford

Kristen Bell

Benedict Cumberbatch (who plays Sherlock Holmes in the BBC series & creepy rapist in Atonement. LOVE him!

Plus: Clifford Odets (American playwright), Priyanka Chopra (Bollywood actress & former Miss World) & Steve Forbes (Forbes magazine - duh!). Pretty diverse bunch, eh? Yeayyyyy Veronica Mars! hihihi. Nasib baik ada gak pompuan. Selama ni trauma banyak lelaki je sama ngan aku. Apakah maksudnye? Happy Birthday, fellow July 18 Cancerians!

Crazy Like Charlie Sheen

Last week, a friend of mine gave me a short story to read. The title is Hysteria, written by Eva Gale. I have no idea who the writer is, so I don’t have a clue of what it’s about. Of course, the title being Hysteria, I immediately assume it’s going to be about a crazy girl screaming that she’s seen her dead grandmother (or the frozen face of Joan Rivers floating ala Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland) sulking around the house. Imagine my surprise when I found that it’s about a girl who goes to a doctor to get her monthly ‘treatment’ for ‘hysteria’. The treatment in question basically involves the attending doctor to stimulate orgasm in the patient. Using their hands. Done. Hahaha. At first I was like, “Hoi kawan aku ni bagi erotica short story ke kat aku? Ingat aku pervert ke?” (Defensive org lain tau aku pervert). But then towards the end it is mentioned that back in the 19^th century orgasm was thought as the actual cure for hysteria among women. 

Yes, only women get hysterical apparently (sexist bastards). Somehow I suspect this was a ploy by the male doctors – they get to grope and touch women’s private parts and get paid. Genius. Disgusting, but genius. But alas, they had the scientific evidence that was not only sufficient enough to back their claim, but also accepted by the society (Gee…I wonder why?). I guess orgasm does calm people down because it essentially satisfies their sexual needs/urges/frustrations. But must it be done that way? Also, did the women really have hysteria? Ntah2 saja. Hoho. 

Scary

I looked it up on the internet and they actually have the advertisements for vibrators back then. How weird is that? I always thought vibrators were invented in 1960s or something. So yeah, I kid you not. Women back then (not in Malaysia la) actually let male doctors touch.them.down.there. They also bought vibrators like they’re toothbrushes, a common routine. I doubt most women who bought them even had hysteria.

This topic makes a great study for feminism in the 19^th century, no?

Even scarier

Did I blow your mind?

you pick a colour and i sing it for you

 

If you're already cynical about love, don't watch this movie. I was depressed for days. Don't get me wrong, it's an excellent movie but I don't think I can handle the emotion. I know people always wonder how I can love horror movies with all the violence and disturbing visual images, but to me a movie like Blue Valentine scares me more. To me, this movie belongs in the horror genre. It's like one of my greatest fears being realized. How do you go from loving someone so much to feeling disgusted and disappointed by them? It's painful to watch. Heartbreaking.

Some of you guys already know that I can be emotionally retarded sometimes. I can be open about everything else because to me the things I actually talk about don't matter that much. But when it comes to feelings and showing affection, I suck. I don't even cry that much. Funnily enough, I do sometimes cry during a movie, but almost never in front of other people. Usually I just get pissed off when I'm sad (salah emoticon ni.....hoho). In that way, I'm similar to Cindy (Michelle Williams). I kinda hate her; so basically I hate that part of me. But hey, people don't react the same way when they're dealing with emotional issues. The more I'm pushed to the brink, the stronger my silence and resentment. That's why whenever I had a fight with my sister, she'd be the one to reach out to me afterwards, usually within 1 hour. Yup, my silent treatment can be extremely uncomfortable to others (Faux Frenchie: Guiltyyyyyyyyyyy!), but I don't do it on purpose, it's just the way I am. I wanna be more like Dean (Ryan Gosling), openly and bravely confronting his emotion (and Cindy's), but I don't know if I can.

Please don't watch this movie if you're a hopeless romantic. I don't want to be responsible for ruining your day. Or life. Yeah, the movie is THAT good. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams are officially my favourite  on-screen couple right now. And I don't even like Michelle Williams.

p/s: the scene where he's singing and she's dancing - EPIC.