We Love Dead Things: Part 2

This is long overdue, I know. Well then, about them zombies...(in a ‘carry on’ manner). Hahaha. Ehem. I have no other excuse except for laziness. And to me, that’s a damn good excuse. So bite me.

Neways, I promised in Part 1 to offer some kind of explanation as to why IMHO zombie movies are more badass than movies about sizzling hawt vampires. The short version is: not only do they contain substantial social/political issues for ppl who want to get more than just popcorn when they watch a movie (i.e.: those who use their brains for more than just storage space), but they also have awesome mindless gory killing scenes for those who prefer to shove food in their mouth while screaming excitedly (‘ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod...what happened? Did he kill her? Did he kill her? Oh shit! Dude…that’s awe-some!’ – insert some testosterone-induced male grunts and high fives).


Admit it, sometimes we look like some of them in the morning.

Yes, zombies movies are indeed awesome. But for some ppl it might be a required taste. If you find yourself saying ‘What issues? Most zombie movies are about unnecessary violence. Children learn through example, you know. These so-called filmmakers just put a bunch of ugly people and smash the crap out of them and call it a movie! And in the end, there’s nothing to justify these acts...’ *end scene*

First of all, movie watching experience works both ways. As audience, you have to prepare yourself for what’s coming. Don’t go watch a movie with the word ‘dead’ or ‘zombie’ in the title if you refuse to tolerate what comes with it.

Basically, there are some important things you must have if you want to watch a good zombie movie and enjoy it: a sense of humour, a strong stomach, an apocalyptic view of the world and the willingness to accept that special effects/make up in movies nowadays may differ slightly from, say, those in the 60’s - 90’s (they’re not intentionally designed to be bad, you know. Well, sometimes they are intentionally cheesy, but not bad).

Some zombie movies like The (original) Dead Series by George A. Romero, 28 Days/Weeks Later and the Resident Evil series are more serious in nature. They serve as social commentaries on modern society – how we’re becoming immobilized by over-dependency on our mundane daily routine. So that when things go shitty and disrupt our lives, do we man up or submit into a catatonic state? They also make us question our own humanity: would you kill strangers or even your loved ones if they threaten your very existence? Btw, I'm glad I have great friends - Fake Frenchie and Baby Kailan - who unanimously voted to kill me off as soon as I am zombified/infected. And when there’s no law to control/stop you, would you relent to your animal instincts and run amok killing ‘zombies’, stealing stuff, raping people etc.?




These movies are some scary shits, y'all - gay voice ala Bruce.

Too heavy for you? Then opt for ‘lighter’ movies like Dellamorte Dellamore, Re-animator, Shaun of the Dead, Planet Terror, Dead Alive (Braindead) and Creepshow. These movies may sound stupid; with gory scenes that either disgust you or make you laugh but trust me, they’re good. These are the ones that you can watch just for pure enjoyment. If you get something out of it, then good for you. But to me, they are genius simply because there aren’t many movies than can make you cringe and laugh at the same time. If you enjoyed Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell last year, it’s definitely an indication that you will like these movies (and that you have an excellent sense of humour).






Watch them in all their gory-awesomeness and cheesiness before you pass any judgement.


Classics: White zombie (1932), I Walked with a Zombie (1943).

Seriously?

Back in the 80s: when he was haaawt!



Not so much. Guess I'm questioning the open shirt more than...well, you know.

We Love Dead Things: Part 1

Just watched two movies related with dead things these past few weeks: New Moon and Zombieland. It never escapes my attention that movies involving corpses tend to do well in the box office, primarily those concerning themselves with vampires and zombies. I know, most people (esp. girls) prefer hot sexy vampires to zombies, but I always thought that zombie movies kick far more asses and I’ll tell you why in Part 2. But right now, let’s discuss the most famous type of living corpse of ALL time: vampiyaaah….(insert dramatic voice)

In vamp movies, the male heroes (or anti-heroes) are almost always the vamps themselves. They’re tortured beings, not human and not yet corpses. They drink blood. They are pasty and good-looking. They read minds. They’re sexually attractive (after all, what’s more badass than a man who can kill you? Yeah, death IS sexy and those pale drawn-on abs don’t hurt either).




Served on a hot platter for hormone-raging teenagers and people (I’m not entirely excluded) who have raging hormones like teenagers.

Had this conversation with The Slim One the other day, she totally missed my point. I commented that in real life, no woman in her right mind would ever get in a relationship with a vampire. The Slim One stubbornly used a cliché as an argument: 'but if you really love someone, you wouldn’t mind what he is, would you?' Well, lady, I suppose you would be supportive about people getting it on with farm animals. Sheeesh. Just like how I won’t date any other predators such as lions or alligators, I don’t think a vampire is a suitable life partner no matter how much restrain he has imposed upon himself not to drain me to death. I do love me some vamps, but only in my imagination. And there, they shall dwell til’ the end of time. hohoho.

Make no mistake, these people who made vamp movies know their audience: women or people whose weakness is a desire for romance. In almost every frikkin’ vamp movie the protagonists would be star-crossed lovers ala Romeo & Juliet. And the main story line would be: 'I’m a male vampire, you’re a female human...we...can’t...be...together…(pained voice) or can we?'. The plot thickens – bak kata Fake Frenchie.

So let’s not be in denial and take them as they are: pure entertainment of oh-so-irresistible harlequin romances. Save for True Blood (which surprisingly contains substantial social issues. and harlequin romances). It’s not called a groundbreaking TV show for nothing – gosh, I should be paid for the free promo. Special thanks to Fake Frenchie (aka Future Apek DVD) for the downloads.





Some of the best out there. In terms of vamp novels though, Anne Rice’s are probably the safest bet.



Rarely do we see the really scary vampire types: if there are any, they’re not the heroes. Like this dude from 30 Days of Night. You don’t see girls screaming his name and tearing his shirt off.

If you wanna go classic, check out Nosferatu (1922) and Dracula (1931). Can't stomach old silent movies? Too bad. These are excellent.

why am i doing this again?

this blog is not my diary. matter of fact, the only time i ever had a diary was when i was 12, and i got it as a birthday present. wrote in it religiously for about one month, got bored, life is happening all around me...yada yada yada. in the past i’ve been highly critical of things like that, so i’m not gonna contradict myself by putting out my ‘feelings’ about the daily and personal events in my life or sharing my ‘deep dark secret thoughts’ by ranting on and on while the world continues on not caring. this statement is not an attack on those who do indulge in such endeavour, because i do understand the appeal of pouring your heart out, much like i understand why people who can afford it go to therapy or why cats fart: it’s only natural. but my purpose in setting up this particular blog is to discuss random (and sometimes seemingly useless) topics and hopefully engage in a lively discussion/argument with the five people who will read this blog out of pity for their dear friend.