O’ Burning, Flaming Heart!

Ok so…….I’ve heard of Tyler Shields before. But I always thought that he’s overrated, like Lady Gaga. Just another pop culture product we’ve been churning out in excess nowadays. Recently, I’m surprised to find myself having a change of heart (& mind) over these two artists. I can’t even bring myself to call them just photographer and singer/performer anymore. They transcend beyond that now, at least for me.

The reason I was always so stubborn & adamant to NOT like them is because to me, someone who present themselves through shocking & violent images are nothing but a couple of ‘shock jocks’. They like controversies because: 1) obviously, they get a lot of attention for it 2) MOST people would think they’re cool and deep, all artistic-like. While to me, these only suggest that they’re trying too hard, pretentious even. Like those school girls I often see, hanging out at malls, wearing dark clothes, short skirts and tons of black eyeliner, all dark and ‘gothic’ and shit. So suicidal and edgy, yet oh-so-sensitive. They can’t be tamed y’all (Stingray: Auw. Jgn marah).

I’m all about self-expression. And one of the best ways to do this is through what we wear (Coz I can’t paint or sing worth a damn. Words & clothes are all I have). Yeah, sure, ideally, we all want to wear whatever best express ourselves and whatnot. But I gotta be honest, most of the time I just grab whatever it is I have in my closet and dash out. Also, nowadays my primary concern is whether this shirt or that jeans can hide all the flaws that I have, rather than making a personal fashion statement (Yeah, I’m fat now, there’s now way around it. So sue me). I also realize something: why the hell do I want to follow trends? There’s nothing personal about that. That just sucks me right into conformity. A well-dressed conformist is still a conformist.

That’s why I’ve been slightly wary about people who claim they’re unique (or being claimed as such). We live in a world where everyone’s connected, especially with the internet being so widely used now. Nobody escapes from being influenced by somebody else. We ARE all conformists, we are ALL shallow; just at varying degrees.

I got too much time on my hands nowadays, and as these thoughts came creeping into my head much too often (note to Coy Mistress: otak aku kadang2 tak kosong), I decided one day to open my mind and let my prejudices flew out the window and really listen, really see. And so it was that I saw and listened to Gaga’s performance at the AMA 2009. I was blown away. She was amazing. I’m not saying that I’m completely in love with her now, because I’m not. But I understand her vision a little bit better. Still don’t like some of her antics (wtf is up with the Alejandro vidclip? Gay orgy extravaganza y’all), but I can appreciate her efforts.

A few weeks ago, I accidentally clicked on a link at youtube. I was looking for the trailer for Mad Men season 4, but I found a link to a ‘video potrait’ of Vincent Kartheiser instead (Connor from ‘Angel’, anyone?). The sarcastic voice in my head: ‘Yippe kay yay! It’s by Tyler Shields, young photographer extraordinaire’. But, remembering that promise to myself (to keep an open mind), I clicked on it.

It was……..heartbreaking. Completely, and undeniably, heartbreaking.

I look for his other video portraits. A LOT of up-and-coming actors/actresses participated (the hawt Sean Faris, Kellan Lutz, Deborah Ann Woll, Matt Dallas, Sara Paxton, Ashley Greene….etc.). I love them all (personal fav: the one with Matt Dallas, Alessandra Torresani and Tyler Shields). You have to check all of them out. They’re all on youtube, and they’re short. Most are under less than one minute. The concept is so raw and simple, but they speak to me. Just like that Gaga’s performance, I understand. They made sense. My heart literally aches as I watched the images on screen.

So I guess, maybe it’s not too late. Eventhough sometimes it feels like everything has been said and done (‘Shakespeare is frikkin’ dead!’ – J-Pop Girl), there’s always room for a lil’ bit of personal expression and experience. That despite the cynicism, the predictability of a mundane life, we can each try to be our own person and less of a robotic conformist who clocks in and out from 9 to 5. We can say more, think more and offer more to the rest of the world.

Maybe, just maybe, I can be....... more.