Heard it Through The Grapevine

The last time I went to the movies with The Slim One, I encountered one of my pet peeves in the form of a  woman. We were queuing for our usual popcorn combo when I overheard a 'conversation' taking place between the two people in front of us.

Man: Hari ni panas la. Awak rasa panas tak?

Woman: Sangat!

After 5 seconds.......

Man: Eh lambatnye line ni gerak. Bukannye ramai org pon. Lambat kan?

Woman: Sangat!

WOW. Such witty banter. And I don't think I need to tell you that this continued on and on and on. Thing is, I don't mind if it's a school girl saying that, but a grown woman? Really? And she said it while stressing both syllables, with a slightly higher pitch on the 2nd one. Sa-NGAT! If only everything can be answered that way.

What do you think of the situation in Egypt right now? Isn’t it horrible?

Sa-NGAT!

But the truth is, I am guilty of some inane responses as well. (e.g.: Tula pasal. Kan! Serius ke...Boley tak!) Now that I know how annoying that can be, I think I'm gonna use less of these fillers in any future conversation. Because they are frikkin' irritating, especially if you have to hear them every 5 seconds. On second thought, maybe that woman wasn't intentionally responding that way. Maybe she was just bored or can't think of a better response (that's why I usually do it). But do I still want to shake her like a British nanny? Sa-NGAT!

I Got It From My Mama

Lately, Mamasan and I have been reconnecting. This happens probably because we've been spending time watching TV together. A lot. Ah, TV - the great unifier. We used to be really close when I was in primary school, but secondary school proved to be too much of a barrier, and university was a time for expanding your horizons outside of home. Dunno why, but it just happened. One day she's my sun and I'm her baby (insert a Justin Bieber-ey sound), the next she's The Authority and I'm a Bum. Or at least a hobo-like creature who spent all her time locked up in her bedroom. But now that Mamasan and I are chillin' together, I discovered a lot of new things about her. I also started to realize how similar we are, which kinda freaks me out. I mean, does the phrase "you're turning into your mother" comes to mind? Anyway, here are a few moments where I thought that Hey, I've got a pretty cool mom.


Example 1

My mom just coming into the living room.

Me: Ma, ni boyfren mama berlakon ni, tak nak tengok ke? (it's Harrison Ford in all his Indiana Jones glory)

Mamasan: Mmmph. Dah break lama dah. Tua dah die. Toksahla ungkit2 lagi pasal tu. - sambil gelak sensorg dan berlalu pergi.

HAHAHA. Giler perasan mak aku. err........wait. Kenape cam familiar je. Oh yeah.

Example 2

Justin Bieber's close-up face during commercial.

Mamasan: Tu APE tu??!!??!?

Done. Mmg insult paling hebatla.

Example 3

Toothpaste commercial on tv.

Mamasan: Dulu Darlie ni nama die Darkie.

Me: Hmmm? Darkie?

Mamasan: A'ah. Pastu laki tu pon negro.

Me: (flabbergasted) Biar betol! Giler racist!

Patutla depa tukaq nama ngan imej brand tu. Giler ke ape. So I googled this and found out that it's true. They did use both the name Darkie and the image of a black man wearing a top hat previously, because of the misconception that black people have extremely white teeth (eh tak yeh? hoho), but they changed it in 1985 coz of the whole awareness/sensitivity thing. And they say you can't learn anything from watching tv with your mom. sheesh.

Example 4

A documentary on slavery. Or sumthin'.

Me: Tengok mat saleh, sume bende diorg discuss openly. Mmgla diorg banyak agenda tapi at least pasal slavery sume tu diorg tak sorok. Kita kat sekolah buku sejarah mane ade cerite banyak pasal 13 Mei. Cume cakap bende tu sejarah hitamla, terukla pergaduhan antara kaum2 kt KL mase tu. Spesifik la skit(cakap cam pakcik2 kat kedai kopi).

Mamasan: Hmmm. Mama ingat dulu mase tu, mama kat rumah sewa dgn housemates mama, kitorg tutup sume pintu, tingkap. Tak berani nak keluar. Adela sorg kwn kpd housemate mama ni dok tumpang jugak. Sekali tiba2 kitorg dgr bunyi riuh rendah kat luar. Dgr org jeritla, pistol tembak2 la. Sume kelam kabut mase tu. Tengok2 baru perasan kwn housemate mama tu kene tembak. Mati depan kitorg.

Me: (terdiam 2 saat) Kenape mama tak penah citer pasal ni?

Mamasan: Awak tak tanye.

Isn't that the coolest thing ever? Well, not cool that someone got shot and died. But the fact that she had experienced that. No wonder she never complains about anything (well, except for us being spoiled children, and our generation consisting of a bunch of whimps). I do think that our society has become too complacent right now. We don't have any extreme crisis that may affect us profoundly like previous generations. Not that I'm hoping for World War III, but there must be a reason why the only thing we complain about is either our jobs (or lack thereof), or our love life (or lack thereof). Seriously? Is that ALL there is in this world? We don't deserve to sing Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror or The Earth Song. Next time the MVs for those songs come up on TV, just hide your face in shame.

But right now, I might have to re-watch The Breakfast Club over and over again just to cure the extreme respect and affection that I have for my mom.

Dirty Harry

If only ALL of our statuses and comments are as brilliant! 

estoy obsesionada!

1. Marrybrown's Spicy Seafood Porridge

I kid you not. This is the best porridge I've ever tasted. Didn't know Marrybrown is a Malaysian-brand fast food chain, though. Kenape nama Marrybrown? Ate the first bowl at Cameron Highlands, never look back since. McDonalds ain't got nuthin' on this!


2. Vampire Weekend

Love their songs. and sound. and style. can do without the name, though. kinda lame. keep playing 'Giving Up The Gun'. I see you shine in your way.....go on, go on, go on..........


3. Ten Word Wiki

Where contributors describe something or someone in 10 words or less. I laughed my ass of at these:

Angelina Jolie - Heavily tattooed kinky actress. Wants one child in every colour.

America - Like to bomb Arabs. Then cry when it happens to them.

Genitalia - Boy or girl part. Caution: when mixed, babies may occur.

English (people) - Likes: soccer. Dislikes: foreigners. Invented English, but can't speak it.

Voluptuous - Polite way of saying fat. Usually used by fat people.


The best insults EVER:

Matthew Broderick - Once played Ferris Bueller. Now sadly married to Sarah Jessica Parker.

Sarah Jessica Parker - American actress, bartender asks her Why The Long Face?

Keira Knightley - Beautiful British ironing board, doubles up as a film actress.

Andrew Lloyd-Webber - Writes musicals and has a face like a deflated football.


4. Book Xcess

This is the old one, though. Now it's bigger.

Cheap books. Nuff' said.


5. Alan Carr & Graham Norton

Alan Carr

Host of the best talk show on earth: Chatty Man! Showed me how boring American talk shows are by comparison. He's hilarious without being mean-spirited. Especially funny when Americans went on the show and didn't get the Brit's dry sense of humour & 'shocking' behaviour.

Graham Norton

Worth seeing just for his ridiculously loud suits. But he's funny as well. Sometimes in a mean way, though. Love it when he mentions funny websites. Also good at pranks.


6. Family Guy Season 9 Episode 4: Halloween on Spooner Street

A-dorable.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Turn Ur Swag On

I've always thought that people 'back then' had more style than people nowadays. Seriously, if you look at the photos of my parents back in the 70s, you'd see what I mean (bellbottoms, tight printed shirts and side-parted hair notwithstanding). But in this post I'm gonna put in some of my favourite pictures of some of Hollywood's most stylish (according to me). Coz, well.....they're cooler. hahaha. I'm just gonna let the pics speak for themselves. Albeit with a lil' comment here and there. hihihi.

Of all the Old Hollywood actresses, I adore Bette Davis the most. Probably the reason why the song 'Bette Davis' Eyes' is always on my playlist.

Greta Garbo. She's just effortlessly stylish. And she pretty much kept to herself. You gotta admire a Hollywood actress who's not an attention seeker.

The Rat Pack - Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Peter Lawford & Sammy Davis, Jr. Well, there are more of them actually but I kinda like this picture of just the four. So, yeah. They're the epitome of cool.

 How can you NOT like James Dean? I tell you how: you're crazy. Like asylum crazy. He's THE ultimate.Yeah, that it. Just the ultimate.

 
I know most people prefer Audrey Hepburn, but for some reason I've always preferred Katharine Hepburn. She's kinda rough looking but I think she's absolutely divine, dah-ling.

Well, hellooo there Mr. Paul Newman. I always feel kinda guilty and kinda icky for liking old/dead people who used to look like THIS. But hey, I'm only human. And I kinda like the fact that he was married to his wife for 50 years! Well, 2nd wife. But still.

 Natalie Wood & Steve McQueen.What more can I say? I love them as an on-screen couple. And I love them separately too, of course. Just trying to save up some space here. hoho. Fun fact: that guy who plays Jeremy on The Vampire Diaries is his grandson.

Lo and behold, the original Factory Girl, Edie Sedgwick. Personally, I prefer her to Twiggy. Coz she's got that I-don't-give-a-shit attitude. And also coz I love her hair and eyes.

And last but not least, Sid and Nancy. Yeah, I know. They look like a couple of drug addicts. Maybe that's coz they were. But they look good together in pictures. I'm not really into punk music, but the style I kinda like.

I've always loved this one. He's like, "Beetch get a move on, will ya?" and she's like, "Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist!" Okay, so SHE's not British. But it's my imaginary dialogue. So bugger off!

Honorable mentions: Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Elizabeth Taylor, Marlon Brando, Warren Beatty.

Inception My Arse

From the title of this post, most of you would assume that it will be about the movie Inception. No, it's not. Although I will say one thing about that overrated piece of "stunning" and "complex" cinematography: I don't fucking see the point. And don't get me started on Avatar. I've seen better storylines on Cerekarama at TV3. (Ok, so I don't watch Cerekarama, but still. You feel me, bro? You feel me.) However, I do like the idea that one can enter the dream state of another person and.......well, experience what's happening there. And knowing that even when it's a complete nightmare, Freddy Kruger can't really kill you. Unless you suffer some kind of shock from seeing his ugly face and get a heart attack. Hmmm. Indeed.

So anyhoo, while the movie gave me a massive headache and a newfound hatred for anything "intellectual", it also got me thinking: what do I dream about the most? If someone were to enter my dream, what will they see? Well, I don't really remember all my dreams in detail, but I do have a recurring theme: falling. I am always falling in my dream; falling off a cliff, a building, a chair, etc. So recently I googled the meaning of dreams and got this website as the first hit: Dream Dictionary. It has everything from Cheese to Facebook to Zombies. I'm not even kidding. This is what it says about falling:

To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.

To dream that you fall and are frightened, indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may also imply that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.

Oh no.......but touche my friend, touche.

But my favourites are the ones about animals and food.

Papaya

To see or eat papaya in your dream, indicates a healthy sex drive.

Contoh ayat: “I have quite an insatiable papaya, y’all!”

Orangutan

To see an orangutan in your dream, signifies your wild inner character and sexual desires. Alternatively, an orangutan suggests that you are being manipulated. (Baby Kailan: take note. snake no more). 

Waffle

To dream of eating a waffle, indicates that you need to come down from your lofty ideals and approach life from a more pragmatic perspective. The dream may also be a metaphor that you are "waffling" or undecided over some matter. - Guess I should stop buttering my waffle then. hmmpfh!

 

Mayonnaise

To see or eat mayonnaise in your dream, represents disappointment in your waking life. It also suggests that you are being insulted or disrespected. Contoh ayat: "How dare you mayonnaise me last nite!"

However, this one trumps them all:

Maxi Pad

(let's not put an image here)

To see a maxi pad in your dream, indicates that you need to release some pent up anger or tension. It may also mean that some creative energy is being released or recognized. If you see Always Maxi Pads in your dream, then the dream may be telling you "always" is the answer to some question or comment. 

Make of that what you will. hohoho.

What do you guys often dream about? Seriously. I wanna know. I've had some weird ones but nothing I could confess publicly. or I shall have to kill you & make it look like an accident.

You're Not My Facebook Friend Anymore?

Recently, The Slim One asked me why I only have 182 friends on FB eventhough my account is almost 3 years old. Truth is, every once in a while I 'spring clean' my friend list (oh no she didn't!). Yup. That might seems harsh, but I only defriend ppl I hardly know, or don't have any r'ship with. I mean, we don't even comment on each other's wall, or hangout. or ANYTHING. WE are NOT friends. Basically either you or I made a mistake. Shouldn't have added you in the first place. Besides, I don't think you would notice. Since you have 675 "friends" and all.

Oh, and I also block creepy dudes who posted comments or send messages like "comelnye die......", "eh awak ni lawa la nak berkenalan boleh?" or "boleh x kalo saya mintak no fon awak?". I mean, seriously? Ni bukan e-kawan ok. e-harmony pon x. cube bertenang skit.

Anyways, I'm writing this post bcoz I came across an article on a website entitled The Tricky Art of Defriending on Facebook. It's pretty insightful.

Here are a few hilarious responses from ppl who read the article:

What I don't get is when you de-friend someone, and they try and re-friend you. It's like the ex-boyfriend who drunk dials you crying at 2 AM. Have some PRIDE, dude.


rhymeswithfeather


I unfriended an ex-boyfriend partly because I wanted to stop checking his page everyday and partly to get his attention. A few months later I saw him at a bar and decided I was capable of acting like an adult, now. So I refriended him and explained why I had defriended (though he hadn't noticed.) And I invited him to my birthday party, at which he ended up calling the cops (I've got underage friends). And so I unfriended him again, because that was a dick move.

treeofsneezes


This is kind of my issue with Facebook - it makes everyone feel so goddamn self-important.


schrodinger


I had a girl on facebook who constantly switched religious and political beliefs, and would post sweeping, uninformed generalizations about new and old beliefs. I finally got sick of it and defriended her.


But then she sent me a message asking why I'd done it, and all I could come up with was, "Oh, it must have been a glitch." We're now facebook friends again...


indiesandy


The only defriending I've done is either because I'd never said a word to a person in real life, or the person was just too offensive. I doubt they cared.


remedios

I weigh my friending very, very carefully. I consider every possible ramification. Currently I'm 'ignoring' my mom, my husband and more than a few nutty cousins. If they ever call me on it, I say, "Jeesh, ya know, I'm NEVER on that thing!" or "Wow, I didn't see your request, must be something wrong with my FB page!" Heh heh.


mandy462


She had hundreds of "friends" and I thought she wouldn't notice but she did and sent me an angry note.


MakeFetch


I periodically go through my facebook and defriend people. If I haven't spoken to you in over half a year, and you haven't spoken to me, and we live in completely different places, and never speak outside of facebook, I defriend you.


KungfuKid


I defriend people who begin to over-include me in the ups and downs of their romantic relationships. Yes, friend, I am interested to know about that gig you just played, but I did not need to know that 'it wud have been perfect if dat special some1 had been there :('.


MySandwich


Oh, I've got one. How about defriending on Facebook as a way of saying, "we're breaking up after 2-and-a-half years". That's right. The defriending came BEFORE the actual breaking up conversation. What an idiot. I'm glad he's gone.


HarmonyLane


My cousin recently friended me. I haven't really seen him since we were kids, so I had no idea what kind of man he turned out to be. Thanks to his status updates, I now know he turned out to be a total douchebag. Defriending him is not worth the potential drama, but he is definitely hidden.


kfkerfuffle

That's it for now, folks. Hmmm. Maybe I should check my FB page now & feel sorry for myself. Since I have 'only' 182 friends.

p/s: Do you guys think defriending ppl is a dick move? (bak kate treeofsneezes)